Individualism
Before synchro, I had always loved to rely on myself rather than others. Since I was always moving around from house to house, I needed some stability in my life. And that stability was my independence. Yet, with synchro, I sort of lost that aspect of myself. I was a part of a team. And in a team, you have to work together rather than independently. It was hard for me to “let go” of something that had been giving me stability in my life. But when I did, I felt myself becoming dependent on my friends as my “new” stability. Because of this new cycle, I found myself always doing things for others. Showing up to practice for my team, performing my best for my coaches, sticking with the sport for my mom. I wasn’t necessarily doing it for myself..
When I finally quit synchro, I was still doing things for others. Things like getting good grades and keeping toxic friendships for the purpose of others, not myself. It took me a year to realize that I needed to prioritize myself and my needs. I realized I needed to find a balance between dependence on myself and others. The spring of my sophomore year, I began a new journey of understanding who I was and who I wanted to be. I spent a lot of my time learning about the world and how it works. At that time, I had begun my spiritual journey. I taught myself individualism and how to be self-reliant. That spring, I learned a lot about myself. My liked, dislikes, habits, and more. I learned that prioritizing myself allowed me to learn and understand things about me that I did not know before.
When summer going into my junior year came around, I took action. I went on walks everyday out in nature because I learned that that was something I loved doing. I spent time with myself. I rarely went out because I enjoyed my own company so much (I still do).
To this day, I am so grateful for that time period in my life. By going through the process of individualism, I was able to connect with myself. It felt really good. And now, in my life, I feel like I know myself so much more than before. Everyday, I am constantly learning new things about myself. I used to feel really isolated when I was alone and without friends because I was so reliant on them. But now, since I prioritized myself and my needs, I feel happiest when I am alone with myself. Of course, I still love hanging out with my friends. But I am so grateful I can finally go home after hanging out with my friends and still feel happy when I am alone. While regaining my independence, I made sure to find balance between dependence on myself and friends. Now, I happily enjoy my one company because I took the time to get to know myself.