My Trials Decision
If I am being honest, I still cannot tell if I regret my decision about the National Team Trials.
If you don’t know, National Team Trials in synchronized swimming are tryouts to make the United States National Team. The top 10 athletes in the country are chosen to be on this team to compete internationally with other countries. I have been trying out since 2015 in both age groups 12U and 13/15.
There are three phases to the tryouts for both 12U and 13/15. The first and second phase take place around early January and the third (sometimes fourth) phase takes place in April, right when nationals finish. If you are one of the top 10-12 athletes out of 30-90 girls, you seen the summer training with high level coaches representing the United States at UANA at the end of the summer. However, in each phase, the skills consist of flexibility, endurance, cardio, laps, and figures (individual elements a swimmer preforms to be judged) and a routine. For each phase, the skills on land and in the water get progressively harder and more challenging. If a swimmer does not meet a certain expectation, they are removed from the next phase. Phase 1 usually starts with 70 girls, and only around 10 girls are cut. Phase 2 starts with 60 girls and 30 are cut. Phase 3/4 starts with 30 and 18-20 girls get cut. We must not forget the endless hour we train (and a lot of the training is extra on top of the 12-15 hours we spend training with our team) to prepare.
Constant hard work and the extra need for more hours in the pool to prepare was one of the reasons I did not participate in trials this year. In order to prepare correctly, you could be training for an entire year before trials (which I have always done).
When I was in Italy, I was 100% sure I was going to participate in National Team Trials. However, as soon as my freshman year started, my workload was much more than I anticipated (taking mostly honors classes), and I found I was struggling with dividing my time between schoolwork and practices before the extra trial practices had even started. I also wanted to enjoy my freshman year and attend social events too.
When it was finally decision day and I had to meet with my coaches, I felt lost. I felt like neither choosing National Team trials or not was the right answer. I was so uncomfortable with being stuck in that position for the longest time, constantly questioning what to do and if it will be the right decision. At the meeting, I asked my coaches for an extension, which they were surprised about because they knew I could make the team this year (my last year on 13/15A team). Every year I tried out because I was getting closer and closer to making the tea. The coaches felt that this year was my best shot. Two of my best friends on my team were also trying out, which is hard because we are so close yet competitors.
If I made the team I would have to be away training at the US Olympic Training facility in either Colorado or California and the thought of being away for the entire summer, without friends and family, and constant training threw me off mentally. My ultimate mental block was the thought in the back of my mind that would constantly say: What if you do all this training and then you do NOT make this team? What if you work so hard and sacrifice so much and NOT make the team? What if you’re just NOT good enough? These “What if?” questions just kept filling my mind to the point where I decided to not participate in National Team Trials this year - I suppose I just didn’t believe in myself. My fear of failure had won over my willingness to try.
There were two challenges with my decision that I constantly thought about: 1. I could be missing out on an opportunity of a lifetime representing the United States Synchronized Swimming Team and 2. This decision also impacted my current synchro season. I wasn’t as connected to my best friends on the team anymore and this was sad for me. I have shared this experience for so many years with them and it was hard not to have it anymore.
Another problem I didn’t anticipate was the girls who decide to try out were getting much more practice time than just us “regular” swimmers. These extra hours of practice allowed them to get better and stronger everyday which also helped them in our competitions. I, on the other hand, felt I was not moving at this pace. I felt I was not as strong or getting better - I felt like I was moving in the opposite direction. My confidence fell at an all time low and it was very hard to push through these feelings, after all, I am a competitor at heart.
Looking back on my decision, I can’t decide if I regret it yet. All I know is that the decision felt right at the time I made it. I am happy now that I put it all behind me and am gaining back my confidence - and there is NO chance that I am even the slightest bit burnt out of my sport either! I have decided for myself that I am going to have a great season this year!